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melodramatic dreamer
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in sanity's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, August 31st, 2011
1:56 pm
whisper the singer
there's nothing I have for you that hasn't been given to you before the floor sags and shapes into something anew. don't let the byes begone, don't let the lines be drawn. my records haven't changed in ten years its just the record playing you've heard before that I said reminded me of who I used to be. the galaxy seems to small for you and me both to be spinning. what is it I said to you that night that made you believe I couldn't see. the air is easier to breath than the last breathe that we both choked back hoping to say more. the pains and seeing the friends come and go and come go. this circle keeps inclining into one of us or more. who have the fell into this time my friend. I don't have a dollar to my name ,but nothing has really changed to much there or any other time I can dream of. what will become of us once one of us is gone? the road is always going to call me,but can I ever answer. I'll pop these pill until something better fills up my belly. its torture turning over everyday. I'm still sick and I always will be. I'm a dark confidant,but I'm no bob. just someone to hear what is coming next out of your mouth. this would make more sense if i could understand exactly what they are saying. 720 horsemen on the roof. I hope we can make that showtime even with the flat-tire it took four of us to change. this won't ever end. there's nothing I can make myself forget. when I leave my dreams I'll let them simmer on a slow boil. its the way I'll make the chicken soup for my soul. As "if i had the world to give" begins I just want it all to end. it doesn't change that I understand how they sing the song its the song I'd sing to you. or maybe I'd write my own or two. I wish I had just two cents so I could add them to the conversation.
Tuesday, August 16th, 2011
3:02 am
tuesday morning/monday night
one upon a crime i couldn't stop to commit. i dreamed of so what dancing in my ears at almost 3am. it began slow up to the steady beat i always knew and remembered for all those years. am I just a subterranean? lets sit in the dark smoke and just listen. don't ruin this with conversations that aren't going anywhere to begin with. he was my hero at 18 now just a shadow on my leg. my sketches aren't from Spain. my smile lingers so sleigh its red and kills quickly. the bell just chimed to let you know I'm still awake and wondering what I'm doing here. just forget the obtuse lecturers who torture us all into watching there slow fall into insanity. arrogance never looked so sad on someone. who do you think you can fool with that smile a simple charade. I'll give you some insight into your own soul i hope this isn't wasted on a folly of natures plunder. its the scapegoat I've chosen to play. don't fall into another fantasy that just doesn't suit you. its moot not mute the point i mean. its a figure a speech they just cant figure out in the end. fall pray to the foundations of man's basic needs. that rainy evening just wont come that bar im always trying to escape just isn't there. you music is pulling me through miles it is kind of blue out tonight. next will be Coltrane's blue train.
Thursday, August 11th, 2011
1:46 am
A voice from 3,000 miles away let's me know they are still listening even if the world around me as all ,but forgotten me. The shell of what used to be holds me up into this idea they all have of me. Is anyone really listening? I know you can hear me. Don't forget you are an angel even if it slips your mind or they don't tell you enough. Do what comes natural. To me its ranting in a soft fashion. I wish I could take back all my take backs and start over at zero. Who's to say any different? The shadows in this room choke me with the smoke I'm spitting out of my lungs. Don't forget to write me a letter laying out everything that happens even if its nothing or a 3rd world wonder kid bring you a flower. I'm starstruck only because its well past midnight and I'm dancing in my head to a tune life on mars maybe,but its the sue verision. My half way mark is marked with scars scattered across my stomach. The final round begins again they tell me. Just one more surgery sanity and your all fixed. Can you fix me doctor? Tell me my secrets to make it all better so I can super hero save the world.
Monday, August 8th, 2011
1:35 am
a short sentance.
so its sunday or is it monday? well I'll say sunday for it to be simple. I'm above and beyond 200 hundred doctors and two surgeries one staring me in the face. I faulter when i think of you... but who am I again? i forget what it means to be awake or asleep. dreams dont come easy you have to pay for them with your dues or dollars. both sides of my brain have failed me tonight. its lacking a certain something i'll never be able to explain. am I dilatory? will that be what defines me?
Wednesday, June 15th, 2011
2:28 am
something that comes to mind.
hey, I'm a bit clever and kind of cute on occasion. why is it me and I'm never home in my galaxy. can you help me clean up my mess? the inclusion of life leads me in to many directions and to many friends I'll leave behind. running into brick walls in the stores cornered by both of our politeness. bad at everything i do even hobbies hinder me from figuring out the little things we are all supposed to know in the end. I'm starving all right can you feed me something that tastes better than what I'm used to? the borders of lined paper even feels to close me in; in the end. don't fret some form of identification is always found. fearless factors fracturing gust of winds knocking down the doors that trapped the cold out and heat in. the worlds a zoo of cutting us all off. don't look to the future if you've already done this before. just know its May the month not the permission you may or may not have. so can you give me something to use in this tragic time of now. i don't know can i? i want to spirit away all the false faces left in my rear view when i spin down the dark streets. i prefer to drive knowing there's nothing behind me. how long has it been since you danced this dance? what comes next? if i knew i wouldn't be here doing all this to amuse the masses. I'm trying my hand at an old trick to see if i can please the old crowd again. they obviously don't like the new act...

so i haven't wrote in awhile. this was me trying it out to see if i still can. if you feel like leaving something feel free. I'll apologize in advance. i was listening to the song galaxie on repeat when i wrote this. i hope someone liked it. but I'd be lying if i told you i wrote this for anyone but myself. the idea i started this with is people always have some idea who you are when they first meet you, now they may not admit it ,but they always hold onto that idea no matter how many years its been how much you change. with this comes resentment or whatever package comes with friendship,relationships,family,bullshit etc. well good night to the five people who read this. bye

for now.
Monday, May 9th, 2011
8:20 pm
state of the sanity 5-9-11
well i don't know how to say it other than I'm miserable. i wake up everyday with little to no goals. i don't feel close to anyone. i feel like i have something that just disconnected it me a year or so ago maybe longer. it definitely started when i was sick. i don't feel good ever mentally or physically. i feel like i have absolutely no friends. i do good things i process thoughts that are positive and just ignore them. i don't know who i'am and i know i have no one to talk to ,or even if i did i wouldn't want to. like i look at people and i dont trust them. after the two car wrecks,deaths,living with my mom, buying the lemon. seeing the disappointment in Trinity's eyes everyday and my moms no less and she is losing her mind. slowly and painfully. i play cards to get away and i don't feel like im fooling anyone there. and i see George who lost his son and i have no idea what to say. i freeze. i used to have the right thing to say for everyone and i don't mean like bullshit i mean like honest good healthy hopeful advice. i want that back. i want the power that i lost a long time ago. i wake up and im still sleeping. the pills help and unhelp if you know what i mean. the lack of pain is amazing the feeling like i cant live without them is a problem. im getting ready to go back to school but even then its like ok school. i cant be 19 forever. that's the way i feel like a kid who wont grow up. im stuck in this faulty sense of i dunno. i know no one reads this so i know its ok to say all this stuff. i have people i feel connections with but i just cant be who everyone thinks iam or who i used to be. im not that guy. im watching a sunset and i cant even smile. i know i have wrote in awhile. i want to do that more. i hate the internet i hate the day. i like night. after trinity's gone to sleep i can be close to her without feeling like im letting her down. i just want someone to say i love you and mean and i know in my heart they do. i don't me like in a sexual fashion i mean like a friend or family member i hate feeling the way i do now. i feel like i owe the world and ive just filed bankruptcy on it all. Brian and dugan my grandmother. the two car wrecks its like a pile of shit adding up and im the end result. ok so i love you all bye

for now...
Wednesday, March 16th, 2011
12:47 pm
B/w infect
4x phYrexian crusader
4x necropede
4x phyrexian vat mother
4x stone forge mystic
4x plague stinger

4x go for the throat
4x viralant wound
2x adventuring gear
1x sword of feast or famine
1x sword of body and mind
4x inquisition of kozelek

4x inkmoth nexus
4x marsh flats
4x verdant catacombs
2x arid Mesa
1x terramorphic expanse
7x swamps
2x plains

4journey to nowhere
4 Devine offering
4 duress
1 skytherexx
2 black sun zenith
Sunday, February 27th, 2011
1:21 am
A dreamers dream.
I'm a dreamer but they never said it would be easy. Good evening dear watching you sleep here in my arm as I write this was easy but hey I said I'm a dreamer. One day when it all goes away and the worship leads us to light It will all be ok,but hey what can I say I'm a dreamer. Youre the spirit that keeps me spinning the wish that wasn't wasted even if it was in the 700s. I live with my head in the clouds my heart on my sleeve and I'm the hopeless romantic you heard of before, but hey what can I say I'm a dreamer. Dreaming up fantasies,futures,and the 33rd flavor. Lift me up in your eyes with every smile. You give yourself to any cause nothing to big to small. Something in it gives you a warmth that's warming me tonight. I know it's forever and that's the last dream I'll ever dream.

Current Mood: jubilant
Monday, February 14th, 2011
12:36 am
My valentine to the world. Or so they say...
Point me home I have no time, they killed my only chance at surviving in first playground memories you erased with each lie. Lack luster love and lovely ones we left behind in the secret garden. Do you have the necklace someone left on your doorstep at midnight. Some fools discount my folly but if you stop and listen for it youll have no choice but to relent. I'm diligent in my eyes. There's nothing stopping me from staring when I've caught you in my sights. Not a kill or to conquer. I'm observing your surroundings to find them suitable in my style. So many tears I've cried no pain in side cause i can tell y ou baby its over. And over and over we stand at the top of the stairs waiting for the other to fall down to the fire escape rally. Disco dancer you've spun your last record to record the voices of thousands.swallowed up by the fire inside you've used up all your chances at redemption but he forgives all so don't forget to repent and send them packing when they come for you at the gates. Did you return and let it burn and fade my attitude is trying to tear you apart. Honey I'm no judge just someone who serves in the only way I know how. Honestly I see myself falling forward in my sleep and i love you. I can say I was wrong when one window closes another smashes the finger you overlooked in the end. My blue valentine wearing your knee high socks study till you can retain any more knowledge and you step out on that ledge and plummet and fall into an A. Plus we can continue I want this letter to find you all well five to ten messages for three to four of you and maybe two will see it and one will get it. I'm suffering in silence not sad hurt bleeding or depressed. Just sick and disassociated with life and sorrow. They cant bring me back there to forget my fortune I obtain with every keystroke I get faster and faster. I forgot about my best friend who reappeared as fast as he will disappear again no anger or animosity just a wink a joke of pit pat for the road. Let's be frank people hearts are to large to hold love for just one if you do i feel anguish for you when you twist that knot that won't let you forget what once was and im talking to no one in particular just to all my best friends, lovers and exs in both. I miss you all at times even the one who is always by my side and nothing you do makes me want to die. And Im never telling a lie again, everything you think is true world you just have to listen. I'm here the organs in my ears church bells pulling me forward just giving me a reason to go one even though i have o many to count. Even you my number 4 or 5 I want o be free of the fears and you can get what you in in this world. It will over take you in a rush in your sleep. Ins a broken record. It's a pilotless plane headed to the highest star. Shooting us in our own foot. I love you i do it won't stop there's no one idea odd right in wrong. He speaks to me when i sleep from the light tells e of his ways. Ets me know of my love when I pray on you at night. There really is nothing like there am fun facts that slip f your tougne is such a fashhphpion hat we all get lost in our thoughts. Never listen to others even your so called friends only have there best interests at heart he'll maybe ebb I do. But maybe I'm just a fool. Love you I miss you all. Come back across the country to us all and spend some time in truth. Even if it is difunctional at times i miss the naive melody sing alongs at another 3am history maker. its twelve thirty one eastern standard. Do you know where your love is your brother is gone he was mine to. I'm so sorry it's a sad sack world of ignorant assholes who shift us in our seats even if we aren't sitting down it's a nervous habit. Hey you if you read this smile and start to worry about what comes next. If it's a Facebook message phone call a goodbye a kiss or a forever the last is for you trinity. Happy valentines day world. This my letter to you all who's on my mind. I love you.

Bye for now...
Monday, January 3rd, 2011
1:41 pm
a blink that left me here
Don't blink or you just may miss it all. When did months turn into years that last as long as days. To many to count. Numbers left unsent letters left unread . It's like a made for tv movie you never meant to watch. Lifetime a channel for women over forty and still breathing a life not worth living. I'm standing on the edge and I've been here before.let's not forget what brought us to where we are today. I'm no psychic but I've read a few minds in my day. Just like now I know exactly what your gonna say even before you do. When the stars go blue at the park at 137 its not night just a day time song interlude. Who left you behind miss? Who stole the only idea you ever had? Who wants to end up in the end on the wrong steps walking into the wrong door. Not me or you. I'm just figuring out I'm not 19 anymore and I've ate up my nine lives like an unlucky cat. It's just a staring contest and I lost a longtime ago. I just can't help but blink.
Thursday, November 25th, 2010
12:46 am
i feel good. ive felt very sick lately its been very hard and losing my job and still trying to keep my head and take care of myself with the meds. my faith has given me much strength. ive never felt closer to god. with church and community group and reading more scripture. im not perfect in any way but i will try to be closer to god. and be a better person. also ive fallen in love with my wife all over again. watching her go to school has inspired me to also go back to school once i get my health situated. i will be getting a degree in youth ministry, ive always wanted to work with kids and im learning more and more about god everyday and im growing closer to him. my illness is helping me with this. im also trying to repair broken relationships in my life. i hope all is well with everyone. im going to help my mom tomorrow and spend thanksgiving with her. she deserves this also i will be taking her with me to trins family bringing our family together for the first time. well good night and hapy thanksgiving everyone bye

for now,

i hope im not bothering anyone with my talk of faith if so iam sorry. but it has helped me.

Current Mood: awake
Saturday, October 9th, 2010
12:11 am
the state champions
I've been an avid magic the gathering player for years. One thing in magic I've never had a chance to do is play in the state champs. up until 2009 you had to play in the state you lived i live in Indiana so even though I've been ranked in the top 50 players in the state of Kentucky for over four years I've never been allowed to play. last year i was sick and fell in love with trin so i skipped the state champs. this year i wasn't going to play due to my illness,but josh at themanascrew.com told me i could play any deck i want. I've been working my new job and doing fine. at my last few magic tournaments I've gotten sick dizzy panic attacks and overheated so im scared and nervous, but i want this. I've been praying and focusing on this. i was going to quit the game i love because of what happened with my illness. i love magic and it is something that will always be in my heart. so to par take in this special event it means so much to me. hopefully my prayers will be answered. this means so much to me thanks to everyone who made this possible. trin,josh and the mostly the lord in all his grace. i know this is what I'm meant to do. wish me luck and say a prayer. bye

for now.
Monday, September 27th, 2010
1:26 pm
They remade i spit on your grave. im super excited. im hoping for more bad effects and even worse acting. must see. bye

for now.
Monday, September 20th, 2010
8:08 pm
the change in my life.
god opened my heart to jesus. i know to some of you this may be a strange thing to hear me say. after being an atheist and agnostic my entire life i found god. I hate that expression but i can also say that jesus touched my life. i felt this pull towards the end of my relationship with amber. i was to afraid to tell her of fear that she may leave me or worse. then as we all know my life started anew. i began my life with trinity how ironic that the girl i fell in love with was named after the holy trinity. i spent most of my life a lying,cheating drug addicted... full of sin. i don't regret anything i did i know it all led me to where iam today. i love christ and know him and with his love I'am saved and free of sin. I was baptized last sunday at my church sojourn. We began attending there last year. i learn more and more of the scripture daily and pray. even with my health issues im happier than i've ever been in my life. i felt a hole in my heart my entire life. ask amber, my mother, or even db they all knew of this feeling of emptiness. I'm not rightous and will never push my beliefs on anyone. some of my non christian friends mostly forrest havent been very supportive. i am no sheep or follower but i do know gods love and have given myself to Jesus this was my own personal choice. if i didnt go to sojourn i would be going to another church. my wife trinity has also joined me in gods love and we share this together. with all this said im still the same person i always was just a bit less cynical and im finally truly happy and whole. i hope that all my christian and non christian friends can be thankful for that. i love you nothing has changed for me except i pray to my god for my loved ones,myself and the world.

a good friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer. george melton was like a father figure to me for many years when i was growing up. he is one of the toughest people ive ever met my idea of a nerd version of john wayne. he taught me lessons in life im so thankful for and im a better person for knowing him. i know he will be ok because as i said he is a badass.

after losing brian last year and terry and dugan this year. with my sickness and my moms health getting worse and worse and with chole and jackson (our dogs) dying. this has been a rough year. when i saw amber at the funeral i wanted to say hey you were one of my best friends ever, i never cheated on you we can't continue to act this way or one of us will end up dead before we can make up. and after me and brian never making up i dont want that to ever happen again. It's her birthday tomorrow. i hope its perfect for her. i have no ill will in my heart for amber or any other person in the world its not my faith saying that its the love in my heart. without amber i would have never met trinity and i know amber is happy is well. its what i always wanted for her the perfect guy i hear atleast i hope there all right. i dont know why all of this is on my mind. i pray for you all even if you think its stupid or lame or im fucking crazy for doing it. i dont care. me and trin are doing great besides my health im seeing a gi now a specialist hopefully he can fix me up.

i have my dream girl,dream car and a sweet job that pays well. i weigh 270 lbs which is insane and i have an awesome dog named ernie. im thankful for lena beamish and her finally finding a man worthy of her love derrick is a pimp my nieces and nephews. that my friend jessica is coming to visit and i get to meet leon and get an awesome mix tape. im thankful that i got to speak with jeff the other night he truly is an amazing human being. im thankful for friends like miked,liegh anna, ian, cheesem brad beck and many others im thankful for all of that.

i pray for my mother and george and there health. i pray for anyone who is unhappy and needs anything if i can help in any way just let me know. i pray for a reconection with lost friends , forrest, db ,amber or anyone else i cant think i know you all think praying is stupid but i do not. i love you all and hope your lifes are perfect or getting better and better.

this is a letter to god and all my friends amen to god and


for now to all my friends.

Current Mood: grateful
Sunday, August 22nd, 2010
11:58 pm
some videos i was in the mood for.

these songs are all amazing and have meant something to me in my life. i dunno they have all been buzzing in my head all day. i know it's crazy but sometimes songs haunt you. especially the last two. both in two different ways.

bye for now.

Current Mood: nostalgic
Thursday, August 19th, 2010
12:22 am
life and all it's twists and turns
well, so i got a new job starting on September 7th. AT&T is gonna be experience. I'm nervous and excited. It's the most money I've ever made 16.66 an hour plus bonuses. That is a lot of money which is much needed. It will be awesome to be the bread winner in the house. haha I love trinity and her hard work but I'm ready to take that load off her back. It's a sales job which i will be amazing at. there is a lot to learn. I'm gonna get in there and take it down. Wish me luck and say a prayer for me. I got it like that.

Now the next order of business my health it is a slow process a hit or miss thing. I'm feeling better everyday still a lot of pain but I'm working it out. The doctor is hopeful I'm tired of the pain meds and being all out of it all the time. My mind is going in all directions. There are these air pockets around my colon but it could be nothing. so again wish me luck and say a prayer.

Finally sometime tomorrow or Friday i pick up my new car. It's one of my dream cars a Jetta. I've always wanted a golf but i couldn't find one in my price range but this Jetta popped up and now I'm gonna jump on it and drive that motherfucker off the lot.

Today was an amazing day. me trin and ali went out to deams lake and went swimming. when i get the Jetta first thing me and trin will drive it over to Louisville grab a bite to eat and go to the zoo. Something amazing I'm gonna take my girl drive her around in my new car and have the biggest smile ear to ear baby. I'm still in love like the first day we admitted to each other that we were so in love. It was just easy and perfect and It's still that today. no lies or bullshit just me and her.

I miss a lot of you out there. I love all my friends forgotten or not your still in my heart. as always bye

for now...

Current Mood: jubilant
Wednesday, July 28th, 2010
2:49 pm
so whats new?
OK so if you don't know for the last month I've been in and out of the hospital. I'm so close to going crazy from all this. My diverticlitus has been flaring up which is funny sense i had surgery last month to remove over a foot and half of my colon which i was told would cure this. after 5 weeks i felt like i was recovered off pain meds and i was told by the doctor you can eat whatever you like so i eat almonds which i love. Ask anyone who knows me i love them. At a magic ptq the other day i almost passed out. i was doing well 5th rd i was 3-1 about to beat my opponent to go to 4-1 with only three rds left but i was losing focus,sweating,shortness of breath hot and felt like i was dying. so i stood up almost fell down walked to a judge and dropped. it was scary i hated doing it but i had to. then i go to the hospital two days later and im told after some extensive tests that i have air in my midsection outside of my colon causing cramping and excruciating pain. then they give me morphine. i have a love hate relationship with opiates at that moment i loved it. trin has been my rock. no other girl Ive ever been with would have stayed with me through all this amber,michelle or any other would have left. trin works two jobs and helps me around the house when she isn't two exhausted. its nice to know you are loved and have no doubt they are there for any other reason other than that. I'm doing better now even though im on a heavy med regiment. and if it doesn't get better they take out my whole colon and i have to change my life forever. so I'm super nervous so pray for me or whatever you do.

im currently taking a break from magic until i can get myself physically back on my feet. currently im down to 285 in weight pants size 46 which is cut 5 sizes in past 6 months. i feel good but im very scared. i wish i could clear up everything in my life with everyone i have issue. weather it be amber who i know feels slighted by me and i feel slighted by her but that one is only a dream. but you never know if me and michelle can be friends and me and jason atkins anything is possible. i do miss some people from my old life. i still hang with ryan d sometimes i never knew me and that guy could be friends but we are now its awesome. i wish i could talk to cassie w or even lorna i know me and lorna were never great friends but i did think she was a sweet nice girl who was in a bad spot when i met her but i had some good convos with her. and for cassie i thought we were great friends. if people could understand what really happened and not the blown out of proportion exaggerations of some. i don't necessarily mean amber she was a victim of people wanting to make the situation worse than it was and she wanted to believe that because she needed me to have a reason for leaving her other than i just didn't love her any more. besides all that i talked to joe hall he opened a shop in clarkville which is awesome, im happy for him to get out of scottsburg. im just wanting to be ok and i want the world to be ok. hearing about jeff b's life always makes me smile i love that kid but im rambling. i'll go talk to you later lj.

for now.
Sunday, June 27th, 2010
7:01 pm
the smiles that start us all
this can't be my Saturday night over. it's Sunday and I'm daydreaming of your voice. he gave me the heart to starve for your real life fantasy. where can i go from here. being in my sick sad cloud the scar on my belly leaves the pain only the pills can sing to sleep. but it's a savage morning waiting for me all alone. she works while i suffer. don't serve the soldier who steers you away from your fathers love. adopt me please i give myself freely. sometimes this feels like the end and all i want are the smiles. i love you i'll call you before i go to sleep.

bye for now.
Monday, June 21st, 2010
11:28 pm
just a thought
blinded by pain my face shakes no position is right when i lay stand sit still it just isn't getting it anymore. the saviors aren't saving me anymore. the stars aren't falling for you and i. the blinds that quarantine me from the sun its to hard to walk and its takes to long to talk. im all out of explanations i just have the shrugs of my shoulders left. the excuses are only open with the bars. but at 4am they start with the tears. the dreary day sing song 70's story line is over. i want my toothbrush with to tough bristles for my teeth hurting and bleeding with every push past my lips. this is my song for 15 it was only half what iam now. i laid in that bed for a week alone in the dark listening to the lights vampires coming by at 3 to take my blood. my holiday is hotter than before she said happy birthday with a mind sculptor to stretch my soul even thinner than it was before. don't look to long or i may just convince you im ok.

Current Mood: disappointed
Friday, June 18th, 2010
1:56 pm
surgery and the death of my dog.
Well as most of you already know i had part of my colon removed on sunday in an emergency procedure. There was a hole in it caused by my diverticulitis. It hurts very badly and i'm recovering at home if some time anyone of you in the next few weeks would like to come see me feel free. It's very boring but im assuming i walk like an old person.

Good points of this, i can eat whatever i want now the issues i had were corrected by the surgery. no more issues. no more getting sick. My appetite was killed i eat very little now. Almost nothing which i know is weird but true. I stopped smoking 7 days in the hospital im not even craving one. Which is nice it saves money. I'm off work for the next two weeks. it is the best to get this mental break while im recovery. and i know i mention on Facebook that i was down to 304 well after being weighed at the hospital im down to 290 that's right less than I've weighed in over 17 years. i got to to three hundred in 9th grade. i know this will continue. along with my work no smoking and working out even more after i heal, im gonna actually not be fat i know its lame to most of you but to me losing weight is a dream that means more to me than almost anything.

Trinity has been my rock. working 66 hours a week at two jobs cleaning the house helping the pets and doing play practice and church. she is still taking care of me. and i know that will never change. i love her thank you trinity.

We also started back at church and it has helped me through all this when im healthy enough im going to speak with the pastor chad at church and let him know i've given myself to god and im ready to make the next step. yes ive converted to Christianity it was not an easy journey but with the love and support of my friends and family i know it's where i've always belonged.

Lastly Chole my dog passed away. she was riddled with cancer and she also had diabetes there was nothing they could do to keep her living without pain. I loved that dog. and you asked Amber or michelle back in the day when i lived with my mom chole would push them out of the way to be close to me. i love my pets very much and chole was a good dog. she got a bad rep because of my moms other dog but she was the good one. i'll miss you chole.


for now.
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